Recovery from addiction at its simplest and indeed in its essence is about nothing more or less than the recovery of life itself. It is about getting back something of value, not merely giving up something that is strongly desired. For addiction, which seems to be the friend and even the enhancer of life, is in reality its deadliest and most incorrigible adversary.

Recovery, in other words, is about increase, addition, expansion, health and growth - not, as it invariably seems to the addict about subtraction, diminution, decrease and even a form of living death. It is about liberation and freedom from the progressively totalitarian and constricting demands of addiction.

By Gillie Sliz - Counsellor

I heard a quote at a recent body work training that I thought was so true and especially relevant to people using alcohol, drugs, sex or an eating disorder as a way of blocking feelings.

"What we cannot hold, we cannot process. What we cannot process, we cannot transform. What we cannot transform haunts us. It takes another mind to help us heal ours. It takes other minds and hearts to help us grow and re-grow the capacities we need to transform suffering" (The Coming Home Project, USA).

Community is so important to recovery and being with others hold up a mirror to ourselves.

By Gillie Sliz CPsychol - Counsellor

 

When we isolate the pain of being alone and feeling abandoned it can become too great, and makes us vulnerable to use alcohol, drugs, sex, or food as an anaesthetic. Having used the substances we then are free to do behaviours that damage us. We then berate ourselves with guilt and feel deserving or being alone and abandoned. Then the cycle starts again thus self destructiveness becomes a means on avoiding pain and a mechanism for inflicting it as expiation of our sins.

Keep in touch with those in recovery and get to a meeting today.

By Gillie Sliz CPsychol - Counsellor

 

Lloyd Cole once crooned: "I'm standing at the crossroads, I'm waiting for a sign ... Yessir, any way the wind blows, yessir I'll take as mine ... " Listening to those lyrics recently I was struck by mixed emotions; on the one hand I felt relief, ease and even excitement at the thought of throwing caution to the ‘wind'. On the other hand however, I felt abject horror at the thought of not having control of my every step in each and every day. To my mind addiction is often the same: the drugs, alcohol, sex, and food all seem to offer relief and ease and take me away to a place of safety and understanding. But soon, and without warning, the breeze stops blowing through my life and what I see is not freedom nor relief but abject horror! Horror in the person staring back at me in the mirror and horror in the face of my friends and loved ones ... To return from that place I need a greater understanding than that offered by the drugs or addictive behaviours. I need a gentle breeze to get between the bone and marrow of my heart and soul ... I need a Higher Power who journeys with me and breathes life into the dust that was once my life ...

By Phil Joslin - Senior Counselor 

The human mind has a tendency to switch to ‘autopilot mode' where daily routines such as eating, walking, driving etc. are carried out without any mindfulness or awareness of the experience. So when we are not aware of what we are doing, then what is on our mind? Sometimes we are daydreaming, or we engage in worrying about past or future events. The thing is that when we are on autopilot we are disconnected from the present moment, and we might be aware of the content of our thoughts, but we are not aware of the thought processes themselves and how they affect us. People suffering from depression and anxiety disorders often experience that they are ‘hijacked' by thoughts and ruminations. When the negative automatic thoughts have caught on it may feel like they have their own life. When we are carried away by thoughts and feelings, it means that we have stopped being present and aware of the ‘here and now'. But if we decide to switch off the autopilot just for a moment, we will find that even the most unpleasant thoughts are exactly that - just thoughts - and that it is possible to ground ourselves in the present and escape the ‘mind web' for that moment. If we are preoccupied with listening to the birds, feeling the grass, smelling the air etc., we are not able to be as preoccupied with worry at the same time. So try to stop and smell the roses and feel for yourself what this shift of attention to the present moment does to you.

Marie Mandel Sneum- CBT Counselor 

Having worked in the addiction field for many years it strikes me that many things change and change fast whereas other things remain constant. One constant thing is the emptiness that people speak of; it is like a hole that has always been there and no matter which drug, which food, which bet or which sexual behaviours I try I can never fill that void. It is as if my self assigned task is to fill a hole in the sand on the beach with water - it never fills and continues to drain away. And although this void is ever present, ever aching it is nevertheless familiar and known:

"What was yearned for and not found in infancy becomes the void. It is both familiar and ineffable and often has the feel ... of ‘home'. It therefore becomes difficult to move beyond the safety of (this) encompassing womb - no matter how toxic or empty it might be." (Charles, 2000b, p.133)

By Phil Joslin - Senior Counselor 

Some years ago, I had the great privilege to attend a talk givne by Sogyal Rimpoche, author of ‘TheTibetan Book of Living and Dying'. We were at Tibet House in Delhi, home to all manner of interesting and important aspects of Tibetan culture. Rimpoche, a great Teacher, spoke about many things but the most vital part of it for me, was his simplicity and humility and his ability to laugh - mostly, at himself. He spoke about our constant need to keep running ever faster to catch up with our lives and of the cycle of work and anxiety which fuels this need. If we only remembered to take it Slow, Slow, we would find that in fact, we end up being Fast, Fast. So now, when I am rushing around and do not allow myself an opportunity to stop and reflect or indeed, to do things mindfully, the possibility of losing my focus and making mistakes is greater. I breathe in and recall Rimpoche's words - Fast,Fast,Slow,Slow; Slow, Slow,Fast,Fast.

By Win Browne - Family Counsellor

 

"When our alive True Self goes into hiding in order to please its parent figure and to survive, a false, co-dependent self emerges to take its place. We thus lose our awareness of our True Self to such an extent that we actually lose awareness of its existence. We lose contact with who we really are. Gradually, we begin to think we are that False Self - so that it becomes a habit, and finally an addiction." (Charles Whitfield)

By Phil Joslin - Senior Counselor 

It may be helpful to explore your addiction (alcohol, sex, drugs, eating disorders etc.) within the context of a safe and reparative therapeutic relationship where you can share and explore your woundedness and begin to develop further understanding and insight into the consequences of your addiction. You can then create new ways of relating to others. The goal being to fill the void that stopping your addiction will have created and finding new ways of feeling and being in the world.

I believe we can relearn to be ourselves and how to free ourselves of destructive or self defeating behaviour.

By Gillie Sliz CPsychol - Counsellor

 

We often find in treatment service provision, that our work can be extremely complex and many-layered. The nature of addiction is such, that much becomes unconscious. I have often used the story of the Sleeping Beauty in groups, to illustrate some of the unconscious processes of addiciton. What parts of the self hides away in addiction? What is pushed deep down into the unconscious? Using Story in primary treatment, often provides a doorway into the split-off aspects of Self, as it can offer a ‘third space' to begin the work of becoming more aware of all that has remained deeply hidden. Alcoholism, eating disorders, drug addiction, sex and relationship addiction are all symptomatic of deep, unmet needs - where there is little awareness of appetites, drives or even, meaning. Life loses its meaning - and meaning is extracted from using; using can lead ultimately to death. Death in this sense can also be viewed symbolically - falling into a deep sleep of unawareness, which is only challenged when people seek treatment and recovery, to wake up. The Sleeping Beauty was cursed at birth by the Bad Fairy - I think this sense of a ‘curse' can be reflected in the transgenerational ‘continuation of the family story - the legacy of the Alcholic/addicted forbears. Happy Endings are often the way fairy tales end but in recovery - perhaps the best thing, is that we get to be fully conscious and alive - no more the Sleeping Beauty but awake and in touch with all that life offers us.

By Win Browne - Family Counsellor