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A Dark Day

It was a dark day in November 2006 when I found myself at the door to the Lifeworks premises scared to death of being there and scared to death of not. My life was total chaos and I had reached the point where there seemed to be no way out for me. I had been a anorexic bulimic for ten years and was also a daily drinker and drug user with periods of self harm and several suicide attempts. Following being raped as a young woman I had sought to escape reality and dreaded waking up in the morning and having to look at myself in the mirror. I was suffering from constant panic attacks and my life had been reduced to hiding for days in my bedroom only going out to buy alcohol or drugs. I hardly remember my first hours at lifeworks, I had been smoking drugs heavily prior to my admission there and was like a walking shell of a human being. I barely spoke in my first week still hiding away scared to death of everyone and everything. However in Life works I found a environment in which I was slowly brought out of trauma and could find my voice again to begin to express all the things that i had buried within myself for most of my life, this was not always something I enjoyed but looking back I am so grateful for the time and space that unlocked my secret world.

One day in the garden my councilor showed me the trees and life around me and told me I had to begin to live. It was finally time to get out of the coffin I had locked myself in all those years earlier. I cannot express all that happened in me during and since that time but what i do know 6 months on is that I have been given the chance to really live, to discover who i am and a sense of adventure that is enabling me to do things beyond anything I could have anticipated. Today i am working with a homeless unit mainly with people who have drug and alcohol related issues. I am paying off debts and I am using my creativity to help others climb out of their coffins. I have found friendship and acceptance within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and have just recently taken on the chair position for my local meeting. My marriage is wonderfully on the road to recovery and I have begun a degree in International relations and Languages and passed my first module just this week. Life works really was a springboard to a bright future and I shall always be incredibly grateful for the time I spent there.

Heidi

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A Dark Day