By Jamie Moon
So, as we continue our discussion of our dilemma of lack of power we broaden our understanding of our problem with relationships…
B. RELATIONSHIPS WITH…
1. People “It is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another…”[i] “The hardest place to work this program has been in my own home, with my children, and, finally, with (my wife).”[ii]
a. Sexual (spouses, lovers, sex, self, etc.) We seldom gave love freely; there was always a price tag. We never recognized that we can give love without expectation, “love—which depends on the capacity of the giver, rather than the acts of the recipient…”[iii] This capacity, we found, was built through the Twelve Steps.
b. Other people—Family (children, parents, and siblings), friends, self, etc.
- Places/Things (Cities, Countries, Cultures, etc.) “What happens outside of me is far less important than what’s happening inside. My being does attract my life; repeated work with each of the Twelve Steps generates changes within me that are reflected in improvements around me. Simple, but not always easy, the… program gives me everything needed to become what I should be. …There is no you or me or them. Everything is connected to everything else, and the salvation of each of us is linked to the salvation of all of us.”[iv]
3. God (Spiritual bankruptcy) “The words ‘ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free’ have echoed through time for two thousand years…I have only gradually come to view truth as the most beautiful and accessible aspect of Harmony, or It, or God... The world of truth is the world of what is…
“Truth is multifaceted, because it is reality. Your truth and mine are different, because we are different. Your beliefs are your truth, as mine are mine. When that is accepted, any cause for conflict is resolved. Neither of us is right or wrong… Today—now—is truth.”[v]
In Step Four we begin to learn how “We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not?”[vi] “This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.”[vii] We therefore begin using the tools that are essential to the healing process.
As you will see in this material I have studied and integrated much of the writings found in Alcoholics Anonymous material. I hope that you will study them as thoroughly as I have and gain your own understanding of that and other material and experience of the Twelve Steps.
[i] Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – Page 54.3 – British Edition
[ii] Alcoholics Anonymous – Page 419.5 – 4th Edition
[iii] Best of the Grapevine – Page(s) – 26.6 – 27.1
[iv] Best of the Grapevine – Page(s) – 129.1
[v] Best of the Grapevine – Page(s) – 133.2,9, 134.1, 135.2,6,7
[vi] Alcoholics Anonymous – Page 69.3
[vii] Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – Page 55.1 – British Edition