Unconditional Love, is this even possible? In fact are any of the Principles of addiction recovery we have been discussing really able to be practiced perfectly. I think not. The Big Book tells us that, “we are not saints” but goes on to say that, “we are willing to grow along Spiritual lines.” Now my experience has shown that in order to grow I must strive for perfection—though recognize that I may never reach it. So what would “perfect” Unconditional Love look like?
Well the dictionary says that would be love that is not limited by conditions. It would be Love that is Absolute no matter what. Now we all know that the only Love that is truly spoken of as Unconditional Love is God’s Love. Well, if God is everything as we’ve chosen earlier. Then we are individualized expressions of that Love. So, it is within us. The only way then for us to express it is to express God’s Love through us. On those occasions when I have been able to express Unconditional Love it has actually me getting my ego-self out of the way and expressing my Higher Self.
In the past (and sometimes not-so-past) my love has been subject to or depending on some condition or conditions, given only on certain terms. Obviously this is not Unconditional Love. Accordingly to express this Principle we must not place conditions or terms on our Love. My favourite was that if someone did not like of love me then I too didn’t like or love them. I very childishly was basically saying, “So you don’t like me? Well I don’t like you first. So there.” In fact most of my conditions for love have been just as childish.
No one was allowed to screw up. To screw up meant they were unlovable. Of course we came by these beliefs kind of naturally. In our childhood we interpreted the actions of our parents as “not loving us unless.” When the likelihood is they were trying their best to guide us away from the pitfalls of life. Therefore we believed this was an appropriate way to “love.” What has been learned by many of us is that we can dislike, even hate an action but not the actor.
As stated in an earlier Principle, if we put ourselves above or below any other person we cannot have a positive relationship. Unconditional Love is having a deeper understanding of human beings. To understand that there is nothing that anyone has done that under exactly the right set of circumstances we could not do. Now I know that I don’t do this perfectly, though it is my intention each day to live by this Principle.