Paul Sunderland Recovery and the Couple Relationship - Part 5

This is part 5 in a video where Paul Sunderland talks about how recovery effects relationships. This talk is a must watch for anyone who has ever been in a relationship with an addict. It provides helpful advice and incite as well as explaining the dynamics of relationships and addiction.

For the next of previous part please click on the links below the video.

Paul Sunderland Recovery and the Couple Relationship - Part 4

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You get to see them doing a task. It is also important to know that there are differences between men and women. Surprise … surprise. One of the differences that I do want to tell you about is the way that we interact. Women prefer face to face communication. That is probably because they spend a lot of time holding babies and looking at them. Men actually prefer side by side communication. That is why they stand at the bar and the girls will sit at the tables.

Now Hellen Fisher would say that – I love asking anthropologists because they always have something fascinating to say. What they are saying is that it is true. The moms had the babies for a long time. They babies were on the breast. They were always looking at them. That is what they do. While the men would stand behind the bush wondering which one of them were going to throw the stone at the gazelle or the lion. It could be of course in the savanna face to face meant fight and protect the tribe.

So women if you do want to get close to you man and have a difficult conversation about something that they may not like then how about getting along side. Now guys if you want to get in close look them in the face and face them. So we do know that there are all sorts of differences.

I think that may have made some sense. I did follow it which is a good sign. I really enjoyed doing this. I wanted to do it because actually it seemed like a challenge for me to try and put some of my thinking together. Otherwise when one is so busy doing the next thing that it made me really think about the work that we do. I ended up with so much compassion really for people in recovery negotiating the couple relationship. I really think that is difficult. Well done! It is about hurting and being hurt. Well done! It is about going against all the instincts. It is about managing the conflict between longing and the fear that we are going to be abandoned. It takes real courage.

On that note I will rest my case. Thanks so much for choosing this above the sunshine.



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